He made me promise...

WOW. Tonight was really weird! Poor Yuki, he seemed so upset at dinner but he wouldn't tell me why. I fixed him his favorite dish, and he seemed so distracted. His hands were shaking and his one of his eyes was doing something funny. He seemed really nervous. He hardly touched his food and he went upstairs very quickly and started slamming things. Kyou seemed very bothered by this but he didn't say much. He didn't even insult Yuki while they were at the table together, not once!

Shigure kept on laughing at random moments. That is really not so strange for him, except he was doing it more than usual tonight.

Um...speaking of Shigure, I asked him the question.

And he...

kind of...

showed me something.

...

He said it would help me understand it better. Orgasm. I kind of wish I'd never read that word anywhere, now. Because...what Shigure showed me--it is doing something funny to my private parts and my stomach to remember it.

I asked him what one was after I'd finished washing the dishes. He was in his study writing something. I knocked on the door and he said, "Welcome!" Loud and cheerful, like always. I was suddenly nervous. I closed the door behind me and stood in front of his desk with my hands crossed in front of me, like I stand in front of teachers sometimes when I'm hoping they will like me.

I asked him and he gave me a funny look--shocked, and pleased, I think. And then he told me in a whisper that he would show me, rather than tell me, if I thought I could keep it a secret. I whispered back that I would. He made me promise. Then...he told me to sit down in the chair across from him, and he told me that what I was about to see was for grown-up ladies only. It made me feel very special that he thought I was old enough to see something like that, so I tried to look grateful.

Then...

oh my goodness, I'm so embarrassed! It's just... I didn't expect him to do that. I didn't know that... it would look like that.

He...opened up his robes and showed me his privates. He called it his manhood. I closed my eyes when he showed me, because good girls don't look at things like that! That's what Mom told me. But then Shigure reminded me that I'm not a little girl anymore. He told me that if I wanted to be a good wife and mother someday then I would watch what he was about to do. It was a learning experience, he said.

So...I opened my eyes and tried to pay attention. It wasn't very hard!

He started rubbing it, slow at first, and then faster. His man-part got really hard and long--it grew to like twice its size! I didn't know that could happen. It was fascinating, but I couldn't exactly think logically about it while it was going on. I was so red in the face, and it felt like the rest of me was bright red too. He didn't seem embarrassed to have me watching him--in fact, he seemed to really like it.

Right toward the end, he went stiff all over, and moaned softly, and this white stuff came out of the end of it. He was talking to me while the whole thing was going on, explaining everything. He said that guys had to do this at least once a day or they went crazy. He also said that was called masturbation. He gave a bunch of other names for it that didn't sound very nice. He told me never to repeat them in public, although it was a good idea to say them in private, while I was masturbating.

I was already so embarrassed by what was happening, but I couldn't help feeling curious, too. I asked him how I could do something like that since I had different private parts from him. He said that if I came over there to him then he would show me. I laughed and said maybe later. Then I thanked him and left as quickly as I could.

Right now, alone in my room as I type this, I am kind of wishing that I hadn't been so nervous that I didn't let him show me. This burning feeling won't let up and I don't understand why it's happening. I know that Shigure is willing to educate me about it, though. And that is very tempting right now.

Sad thing is, I can't even ask Yuki to explain this anymore.

Shigure made me promise not to tell.